In view of all that has transpired recently, and also in light of the newly released Firefly report, I felt compelled to make a statement.

I have wanted to do this for months, but have been constrained by others. I am now free to speak truth to those who are willing to hear.

For the record, I am an extremely private person and endeavoring to make this very public statement is truly beyond what I’m comfortable with. No one has asked me to make it, but for the sake of truth and honesty, I feel I must. 

For those who know me, I am a no nonsense person who tells it like it is. Truth and justice are very important to me.  And suffice it to say that I am not one of those wives you’ll find sitting at her husband’s feet looking up adoringly at him thinking he can do no wrong. I am, and have always been, Mike’s worst critic. I know who he is inside and out (we’ve been married almost 50 years), and throughout our marriage I have spoken plainly (and openly) about his shortcomings and faults (to him as well as to others).

In recent days Mike has been accused of some of the most vile things, and the way he has been portrayed on social media is absolutely sickening (to put it very mildly)…and it is a complete fantasy.  Add to that accusations of hiding sin and attempting to keep things concealed….nothing could be further from the truth. He is an open book and transparent to a fault.  He has always been one who is quick to admit wrong and ask for forgiveness. He is not an operator or slick or sly and is one who has done his best to walk honorably….even during the events of almost twenty four years ago. 

I must state here categorically and in no uncertain terms; Mike is not, and has never been a sexual predator, groomer, or deviant nor has he EVER exploited another human being for his own personal gain or ego whether it be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. That is not who he is and never who he was. This is fantasy. He has never attempted to overpower or manipulate ANY female or force himself on them for sexual or emotional or physical gratification nor has he used them to stroke his ego or to get something from them. NEVER. 

As Mike has previously stated, during the immediate aftermath of the split at Brownsville (which was an extremely dark time), the pressures on all sides were almost insurmountable (spiritual, emotional, financial….in fact, we lost our home and actually went bankrupt due to the effects of the split). The responsibility on his shoulders at that time was a burden of almost unbearable weight. He carried (and still carries) such a deep, deep love and sense of responsibility for all of the students as well as the staff and faculty who were part of BRSM and FIRE years ago. But there were times when we sat alone and I watched him weep because of the weight of that burden. And he expressed to me many times, he was unable and ill equipped to carry it…..and could not carry it. It was during that very short period of time he formed an emotional tie with another person (the wife of a couple we were extremely close friends with). And to reiterate here, this was not a physical relationship, but an emotional tie, but sin nonetheless. And to state things very clearly and plainly, he did not get “caught”, but came, of his own accord, to confess everything to a close friend/ leader at Fire (and then to myself), going over all the details of everything that had transpired. In his integrity, he could not conceal or hide and then secretly repent. He had to come clean and be the one to initiate confession for his own conscience sake. And this he did. This fact is important (at least to me) and reveals the essence of his true character. And remember, we are not talking here of physical adultery or years of struggle, but an extremely short period of time when he was going through the most painful and pressure filled time of his life. This is not to make ANY kind of excuse, as each one of us is enticed by our own evil desires (James 1:14), but it is simply to give a background to what had transpired. 

To now hear that he is being accused of never truly repenting (in addition to the accusations of him manipulating and using his position in abhorrent and diabolical ways) is stunning…I have no words. I am witness to the fact that this accusation is completely and utterly false. Not to get too graphic, but for the weeks that followed his confession, I watched a man writhe on the floor in agonizing repentance. He was devastated by his own failure before me, before others, and before God. What do we do with that kind of repentance? Smite the person?  Punish them? Humiliate them or abandon them? Do we broadcast their sin to the entire world?  Or do we treat them the way the Lord has treated us? These are the very real questions I personally had to face and come to grips with. I will say that forgiveness is a process and we don’t get there overnight, but as we look to God and we get a glimpse of the beauty of His character, we begin to see and understand His nature and the essence of who He is, and see His overwhelming goodness (which is what He showed Moses when Moses asked for God to show him his glory). It was the Lord’s goodness He chose to reveal. And forgiveness and redemption are a major part of the essence of God’s goodness. It’s the very foundation of the gospel we preach.  To be clear, God does not wink at sin and we must be careful to walk a fine line as we deal with sin, forgiveness, and restoration. But God is infinitely gracious and soforgiving that it’s sometimes very difficult to accept it. And many times we don’t even like the idea that God is so gracious…it goes against our very idea of human justice.

We often quote this scripture, but many times it is quoted out of context:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD”. 

But if we read the verses before it, we find that God is referring to His forgiveness:

Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.

Let him turn to the LORD,
and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God
for he will freely pardon.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD. 

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I know that I have struggled with this concept of forgiveness in the past. But an individual’s true repentance requires forgiveness on our part, and part of God’s justice is to forgive (because of the blood of Jesus). Gods forgiveness is actually His justice in action. There is no justice if there is no forgiveness for our deeply repented sins. 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

I cannot fully express how painful to me the events of 23 years ago were.  And now, to have to watch Mike rehash and articulate sins of the past that had been fully repented of and put under the blood decades ago, has been absolutely gut wrenching and worse than what I had to endure 23 years ago. He has become a sinner all over again and has been forced to carry the weight and burden of sin that had been forgiven and removed by God himself. And to have others publicly uproot, scrutinize, and dissect all of this before the masses is nothing I believe God is behind or asks us to do….let alone in front of the entire world.

Some of you will undoubtedly understand the sorrow, the humiliation, the feelings of betrayal….and the shame that I personally experienced. And it was in that context that Mike very reluctantly agreed to keep things between the one close friend at FIRE, the other couple, and ourselves. In order for Mike to honor and protect me from even more pain, and because of the one and only covenant that God had instituted among his children (which is the marriage covenant), Mike consented to keep things between the five of us (even though he expressed the desire to shout it to the world). It was for me he did this, and not to save himself or hide. So, if there is blame to be cast for not revealing things to more and more people, then I am the one to accuse and blame.  Not Mike.  And even more importantly, we also left the final decision of what was revealed in the hands of the husband….how we proceeded was left in his lap entirely, and it was his ultimate choice to keep things between us. Neither Mike nor myself dictated anything.  This fact is extremely important because he has been accused of hiding sin and being deceptive by not telling others of this situation decades later. It is important to understand that Mike gave his word, not only to me, but to the other couple involved, that things would be left there. And through the years Mike endeavored to do his best to keep that word and not bring additional shame on the other individual by revealing details that would have certainly painted them in a bad light.  Additionally, there was complete admission and repentance by both parties. I sat with the wife for several hours as she confessed and asked for forgiveness, and Mike did the same with the husband. Then the four of us met and there was repentance as well as heartfelt forgiveness all around. We even met on several other occasions for a meal, and there was even a request by the couple to consider renewal of our former friendship. This we declined as we felt it was unwise. And that was the end of that for the next 22 years….until 2024. 

As far as the other very damning accusations and the ugliness of what has been portrayed and the picture that has been painted on social media, and now, in addition to the unsubstantiated claims in the Firefly report…I can only say that so many of these accusations and accounts are categorically untrue yet the publishing of them has succeeded in conveying a completely false narrative…completely. There has been a relentless pursuit and orchestration to smear and then not only rewrite history, but create new history, which has no basis in truth or fact….resulting in innocent things of the past and present being weaved together to make them not only appear sinister, unseemly, and diabolical but also believable. And most of this actual history I was witness to. I have my own observations as to why truth and facts have been so twisted, but there is no benefit in stating these things as all it does it add to the swirl. And although Mike’s interaction with Sarah was certainly foolish and irresponsible, his intentions were completely innocent with absolutely no malintent. He viewed her as a father to a daughter. Unfortunately, he has been made to look like a diabolical deviant and predator and nothing could be further from the truth. That is not Mike Brown. That’s not who he was and not who he is. And although he is eager to admit his fault and take responsibility for the things he did do, and to ask for forgiveness (without justification or even explanation), I cannot sit idly by while he takes the hit for things that never transpired and for the way his character has been portrayed.

No daughter should ever have to hear her father go over the details of ugly sins from DECADES ago….(sins that were fully repented of, under the blood, and forgiven by God). And now my children and grandchildren have been forced to decipher fact from fiction and decide whether or not their father/grandfather is a sexual predator, abuser, and deviant “groomer”. And these accounts and accusations are 100% fiction. 

Because there are those who have decided that this should be litigated on social media, they have attempted to ruin Mike’s reputation, publicly judged his character and motives, and shouted from the rooftops so many outright lies, that they will be difficult, if not impossible to dispel. And all of this without actually knowing the facts or even making a genuine attempt to get to the truth. They simply believe what they have heard and read. Add to the fact the damage done to those in my family who are completely innocent…it is honestly a burden of unbearable weight.

Some months ago I was tagged in a FB post by Sarah where she pleaded with me to corroborate her account that Mike, myself, and she never had a meeting where Mike apologized to her for his part in the interaction between the two of them.  I started to respond privately to her via messenger explaining that I could not do what she was asking because the meeting actually DID take place. The three of us all ate a meal together and went over things.  I wanted to respond to her PRIVATELY because I did not want to embarrass her by stating the opposite of what she vehemently insisted.  At the time of her post, I was constrained from having any private correspondence with her as it would only serve to look like I was trying to influence her, and I certainly wasn’t going to state things plainly on the internet for public debate in what I assumed would end up being an ugly interaction.  There was nothing useful that would come from embroiling myself in that venue. So, to reiterate, that meeting that was stated to never have taken place, DID  take place. I was there. And let me state here very clearly, Mike’s apology was for his lack of circumspection in their interaction and was in no way pertaining to anything sexual or sensual, or groping or romantic. It was an apology for being way too familiar with one who was in no way related to him and out of order for someone outside of the family. And from all indications, his apology was accepted, and the relationship continued on unaffected for years. Recently, a document was sent to the LOF board, stating on Sarah’s behalf that Mike never apologized, the two of us never met together with her, and she was “disgusted” with us and began to pull back.  And this was her stated condition upon leaving Pensacola. She says she did not continue to be “like a daughter.”  This is completely contrary to the very sweet, “Dear Dad” hand written note (which we have in our possession) that she left on Mike’s desk the day before she left for Texas… in which she expressed her deep appreciation for all that Mike had done for her and her family, and reiterated her love for him. She continued to initiate contact with us for the next 13 years sending emails (which we also have in our possession) with family updates, prayer requests, or sometimes just checking in. Some were signed “love and hugs”.  This does not sound like someone who was disgusted with us. 

I also feel it’s important to note here regarding the Firefly investigation, that Mike’s cell phone (with all former numbers), his computers, decades of emails, his personal journal (which he has kept for over 30 years and reveals many personal and intimate things) were made completely available to the investigator (Jim Holler), none of which he availed himself of nor did he mention this fact in the report.  We were expecting a thorough investigation that would dig into actual proofs that would clearly contradict various accusations. This did not take place, nor were the hard copies presented to the public. And although it was casually mentioned in the report that Mike got counseling and received “healing”, there was zero mention that Jim was given complete, unlimited and FULL access to all information divulged in the counseling sessions with these professionals. We signed a release with the counselors to allow every single word spoken by Mike and myself to be divulged.  And these sessions categorically reveal Mike’s character, intentions, and who he was and is.  Why their statements were left out and why other HARD evidence such as official emails, dated hand written notes (which pointed to and corroborated facts that contradict many of the carefully crafted public statements)….why they were omitted, others will have to decide for themselves why this is so.  And why Jim rewrote and rearranged Mike’s very own words spoken in our interview which made Mike out to say something he never said, and then to print it in the official report (knowing we were taping the interview) is anyone’s guess.  Why Jim stated to us….”what do these people want…..blood?” (referring to the outcry of those who have accused Mike publicly) , and why he told our counselors “Dr. Brown is a good man who has many years of ministry ahead of him”, and then proceeded to basically write a report that contradicts these statements, is certainly perplexing.  

For our part though, after meeting with Sarah 23 years ago, and Mike apologizing, as well as the beautiful and loving note she placed on his desk the day before she left for Texas (a note that was given to Jim that shows her state of mind when leaving Pensacola), as well as the numerous email interactions she initiated for thirteen years after that…. these things in no way indicated that she left “disgusted”, felt abused or wasn’t relating to us as family. It was quite the opposite of what was reported to the LOF board last October in a document sent to them on her behalf. 

This will be my last statement on the matter.  I have ZERO desire to debate the issue, continue to prove points, or present additional facts to discredit others and stir up more and more dissension among brothers to prove my point.  It is extremely tempting to do so……for SURE, and I have found my fingers on the keyboard many times ready to reveal the facts I know.  And honestly, truth be told, my flesh would love to go there, but there is enough of God in me to restrain myself.  My only hope is that the Lord would somehow sort all this out on behalf of GENUINE truth and justice.  My heartfelt desire is to view things and people through His eyes and with His heart. 

—Nancy Brown