Dr. Brown explains some of the latest news in light of his new book Outlasting the Gay Revolution, also explaining some of the society-changing principles laid out in the book. He’ll also give an update on the clarifying statement of Bishop T. D. Jakes. Listen live here 2-4 pm EST, and call into the show at (866) 348 7884 with your questions and comments.
Dr. Brown’s Bottom Line: While living by what is right, we have the sure-fire formula to outlive what is wrong.
Dr. Brown’s Bottom Line: The culture of life will outlive the culture of death. Let us live. Let us thrive. Let us celebrate life beginning the womb.
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Outlasting The Gay Revolution: Where Homosexual Activism Is Really Going and How to Turn the Tide is now available! Originally due to be released 9/8/15, you can now order your copy today! Also, when you order this week, we’ll include a FREE DVD of Dr. Brown’s debate with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach on Is Homosexuality America’s Greatest Moral Crisis? for only $30, Postage Included (US ONLY)! Order Online Here!
I just listened to this show this morning…
Dear God, help me to tell my story. Because if it helps ONE person, then I’m glad.
My story begins with…a marriage….he was in the military, we didn’t spend much time together….I had been raised in what I now know to be a cult…which my Mom left when I was 9. I always felt that God IS real and at times I felt Him pressing on my heart, but I didn’t really know where to turn to find Him. I had tried reading the Bible a few times and it just seemed so difficult to comprehend, so I would close the book. I still had respect for it, but I didn’t know it. “Sin” was treated as a scandal by my parents – that aspect was emphasized far more: what will people say, rather than what does God think and what can God do about sin. I’m not searching for excuses, I’m just explaining the background a bit. I was lost, and once we left the church and Mom got us a TV, which we weren’t allowed to have in that group – it was 1969 – and television was obviously a place where the “new” values were given a platform, and as an emerging adolescent, I took all of those in, and wanted to BE like the young people on TV who were arguing with their parents, who were rejecting their parents’ values. I mean, talk about the metaphor of the lemmings – I wanted to be a part of that “in crowd” – not OUT with the passé crowd. So I know that when I was old enough to be attracted to the opposite sex, I didn’t think I needed to wait until marriage. Living together, that was the “thing” to do.
I didn’t have good communication with my Mom. I felt she nagged and harped at me rather than sat me down and took a moment from her chores to really talk to me. We became estranged and it seemed that her main objection to my living with my boyfriend was that it would be an embarrassment to her. Into that climate stepped my boyfriend-to-be, seven years older than me. We were going to live together but my slightly-older cousin talked me into marriage – with the promise that, “You can always get a divorce if it doesn’t work out, but at least you’ll be married.” He wasn’t asking, so I asked him, and he said yes and so we went before a judge in a private chamber and had it legally done. I was 18. I did love him, but I was too young to understand that the love you feel for your best friend is not all there is to the love you have when you marry. The relationship was to me about being with my best friend and getting out of the house. I would have been content with a nonsexual relationship, but he said, “No way” and so – I felt I had to agree, but it wasn’t really something I wanted then. But a few years into our marriage, we have a beautiful son, and my husband is still in the military and gone most of the time, and one of his friends “comes on” to me, to whom I had felt an attraction, and I wind up getting caught up in the romance and the mystery of this “affair” and – he is supposedly sterile so we never use birth control, but – he isn’t, and I become pregnant. I don’t know what to do. When he finds out he tells me he is marrying someone else, which simply shatters my illusions and breaks my heart. I think about just telling my husband of this whole predicament, hoping he will forgive me and adopt this child as his own, but my Mom finds out and tells me there is no way he would do that, and why should he, and that I can have an abortion. And I’m so surprised, since she had become a member of “Jehovah’s Witnesses” that she would take that approach, but she insists it’s what I need to do, that it would be a great scandal and embarrassment to the family if I had a baby under these conditions.
Well, I have a dream. A very vivid dream, in which I see Jesus (in my dream, I know it’s Jesus), and he’s wearing a long white robe….and he tells me that what I am contemplating I must not do. “Do not do this.” There was undoubtedly more, but what still sticks in my mind to this day are those words, “Do not do this.” So I woke up, resolved not to do it, and I tell my Mother this dream, and she scoffs at it, and she says, “No, Jesus doesn’t talk to people in dreams!” And she continues to pressure me into doing it, and I went off and cried because she doesn’t believe me, and she frightens me by telling me that my son will be taken away from me if I don’t do this. Now I realize that this would never have happened, but I believed her at the time, and the thought of losing my son, the one I already had, was what made me cave in. She said that God doesn’t talk to people anymore, that was only in the Old Testament, and it was just my imagination. So…..while I was in the abortion doctor’s exam room (it wasn’t through Planned Parenthood)….I noticed he had a last name that sounded Jewish. So I surprised him by asking him if he was Jewish, and he looked annoyed, but admitted that, ‘Yes, and why do you ask?’ And I asked him if life begins at the first breath (because my cousin had insisted that abortion was OK because the soul doesn’t enter the body until the first breath is drawn, and that only happens when the fetus comes to term and breathes outside of the womb, and she had said that the Jews knew this.) Anyway, the doctor didn’t say anything at first, and then said, “I don’t know. It’s possible. We don’t really know.” Then he paused and said, “Does it hurt to kill babies? It probably does, but we do it as quickly as possible and whatever hurt they experience, it’s over quickly.” He didn’t seem to want to say much else. And when I expressed my doubts about doing this, and he seemed to just get more and more flustered and then just pressured me into making a decision – either I was going through with it or not…..I felt he didn’t want to deal with my messy emotions. I knew my mother was in the waiting room….and I just felt………….I’m not sure I can even describe how I felt, just torn and upset and confused and worried and conscience-stricken, but confused…..and emotionally and financially dependent on my Mother….and so I went ahead and went through with the preliminary procedure and then came out of the exam room and surgery was scheduled, which seemed to please my mother. And she began telling me how this man (with whom I’d committed adultery) was mentally-ill and that she had never liked him and if we’d had children our children would be mentally-ill, and how this was for the best……I eventually reconciled with my husband but he was never told about any of it until many decades later…..and we didn’t stay together ultimately – we separated after two more years and then he divorced me legally when he wanted to remarry.
I tried for many years to convince myself that it was alright, but I never could. So my way of dealing with it was to bury it as much as possible and not think about it.
After years of living an essentially sinful existence (fornication, occultism) while looking for “real love”….and “truth”, I eventually came to the end of my “self” and knew that my life was a colossal mess and all I could do anymore was admit that it and I were hopelessly broken….and give my life to God. So I did that. I had found a Bible in a Goodwill store a few months prior and determined to read it. It was a very large volume with illustrations. I decided that in order to know God better I would start at the very beginning and read it all the way through. At some point in the reading, I became convinced of who God was – He was not some amorphous cosmic field of impersonal intelligence, He was making Himself known to the people, He was giving them specific laws and guidance, and when I read all of the Ten Commandments, I broke down. I realized I had broken them ALL. It was a process, but I finally gave up and surrendered to God. I made a prayer closet and went in there and lit a votive and asked God, “The Holy One of Israel” “wherever you are” to hear my prayer – please take my life, I can’t be in charge of myself, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve made a mess of my life, I give up….. I confessed all my sins (which He knew anyway), but it was important to recount them ALL. And soon after that, I joined a church and was baptized. The baptism was just between me and God. I truly experienced being born again. I understand what “transformational love” really IS. God transformed me from within, and I actually felt closer to my innocent childlike self – my real self. I knew beyond a doubt that He had washed me, forgiven me, cleansed me, redeemed me. Saved me.
And yet there are times even today when the weight of that terrible decision to allow the abortion hits me especially hard….I still pray for forgiveness even though I know He has forgiven me – it’s just so hard – the gravity of it – is just so heavy still at times…..and brings me to tears; I’m so sorry!!
I only wish there’d been SOMEONE who could have said to me, “I’ll help you through this. You don’t have to do this.” I know my sister was willing to, but….she was so busy with her own family, and my Mother was for it….I know that if my mother had only had a different view, a life-affirming view – that difficult and shameful though it may have been….I would have never done that. Again, I can’t blame her – the responsibility was still mine. I’d been stubborn about other things in the past, I could have been stubborn about this, but I was just so heartbroken and confused….I leaned on her. There is no excuse…
I’m sharing this now because I’m just hoping that if anyone can benefit from this story – if anyone who is contemplating abortion who is reading this – if you will just stop and pray – and know that God would never tell you to abort your child – and know that God will help you if you just surrender to Him….you can get through this difficult period, and you can have a life without that regret. It is the hardest thing to regret – I have many regrets (adultery, fornication, lying, dishonoring my parents, dabbling in the occult) but the one I regret the most was the taking of an innocent life! Please – don’t do this! How I wish I’d listened to Jesus in my dream – to know I disobeyed His voice was surely one of the greatest sins anyone can commit!….His mercy, His forgiveness are the greatest treasures to be found and they have made all the difference in my life….He has changed me….but oh, friend – whoever you are – if you can read this and are thinking of doing it – don’t – don’t – you will regret it for the rest of your life. There is help. Most of all, there is help spiritually – get that first. But also reach out to pro-life people in your community. Now in this age of Google, you can get in touch with other human beings who will help you through this. You’re not alone. Be brave. Listen to your conscience. God will bless you.
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