Did the NFL Treat Ray Rice Fairly? And a Conversation with a Young Lesbian

1. Zero tolerance for domestic violence – in the church, in the workplace, in the community. Serial wife beaters belong in jail.

   One thing that is almost certain: Janay Rice will be hit again.

   And that reflex argument is pathetic!

   Seven facts about domestic violence in the United States (Source: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence):

   1. Each day, four women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends and a woman is beaten every 15 seconds

   2. 85% of domestic violence victims are women

   3. Attacks by male partners are the number one cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44

   4. In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder

   5. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime

   6. An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year

   7. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults

2. We can all learn from Victoria, Oprah, Tyler Perry, Joel, Doty, John (Osteen, already passed from this tiny Earth)they have read, re-read without understanding, rejecting G-d as ‘jealous FOR them’, but remain puzzled by whom they agree, ‘think’ instead, is ‘jealous OF them’, the G-d of ‘success’ in this life has been surpassed beyond all ‘dreams’ for them from that ‘man upstairs’.

3. You can’t go to your pastor if he teaches what was taught in a church I came out of.

   Wives were told to turn the other cheek when hit by their husbands and say, “Dear, if you hit me on the other cheek, I’ll endure it lovingly.”

   It silenced at least two physically abused wives sitting there listening. They knew they wouldn’t receive compassionate, scriptural counseling if they revealed the abuse, so they said nothing to anyone, which only enabled their husbands’ violence to continue unchecked. This misinterpretation of the Word coddled batterers, giving them license to sin.

4. People in the congregation should hear that in this (their) church there should be zero tolerance for domestic violence, and that anytime anyone is suffering from domestic violence, they may contact certain members of the congregation who are willing to hear matters that are a cause of any present distress, and in fact, anyone may go to anyone at any time to ask them for help, because in this church people are taught to hear matters of concern whenever there is suffering going on account of the actions of another, and if they have gone to that one and have not been heard, or are afraid to go to that one alone, there are people here who are willing to go with such a one, willing to hear anything that is a cause of any present distress, not willing to hear evil for the sake of evil, but are willing to verify facts as much as they are able, search the scripture and see if actions are wrong or not, willing to go with someone and plead their cause, asking for mercy from the other party, doing for one part the same as for the other part, showing fairness, equity, patience, kindness, mercy, forbearance, without partiality, desiring to do so without any hypocrisy, pleading on behalf of one another, walking with them, finding out what is right, being willing and able to encourage, unwilling to condemn others, though actions will be condemned, knowing the difference, and showing the difference by the gospel of Christ….now where is there any room for domestic violence in such a church?

5. A church should be a place where people are willing to give the Devil no place.

6. Shouldn’t the consequence for the act of violence in this situation be in regard to the wishes of the one who had the greatest wrong done to them,
   (her) in this situation, because she was the main victim of the violence?

   Suppose she has forgiven the man, now he is her husband, and she wants him back working?

   Should that be her wishes, why should she be victimized again by some outside people, those who are outside of their marriage, who might refuse to allow him to work on her account?

   If outsiders want to address her husband over something he did to her, that should be fine, if they address it righteously, and do no harm at all to his wife.

   If they are getting along fine and she wants him to be working again, shouldn’t her wishes be taken into account?

   Now the team, or the NFL may have their wishes to be considered also, so it shouldn’t be just the wishes of the wife that trumps everything else, so don’t the people involved have a responsibility to take everything into account, doing what they can to show favoritism to no one, not doing more for one than for the other?

   In short, don’t these things have to be weighed out considering everyone involved?

7. NFL did treat Ray Rice fairly, but not his wife.
   The NFL for the way the commissioner has handled this needs to pay a fine to his wife. The stipulation would be a ten year trust to be paid in the future to the wife if she is judged by a certain criteria to be able to handle the payments to her for the rest of her life. If she is not it would default to the child. The criteria could be if she has moved past this relationship, or if she is in the same relationship that it is a flourishing relationship. She would essentially get Ray’s contract for four years (Ray would have forfeited his contract to his wife.) Just give this enough time for this relationship to play out and it will most certainly not be a success.

8. In these kind of things I believe reconciliation should come first. Is everybody presently happy? If not, why not? What’s wrong? Restoration comes later. Restoration is important but isn’t first.

   God first reconciles us, and then the process of restoration can begin, although I suppose the first action of reconciliation is a part of restoration.

   Sometimes it seems to me that some will want to see restoration before reconciliation, but it seems to me that reconciliation usually comes first.

   I believe a small portion of restoration can give great encouragement to reconciliation, while much more restoration can come later.

   I think of a man buying a car. It might be old. It might be rare. It might be rusty in places. It might be not all there, but he can see it’s potential.

9. “G-d bless the Baptists”, a often quote of Joel Osteen Daddy. Steeped in Baptist message we have only one life to live IN THE FLESH (‘absent from the body, present with the Lord’) therefore there can be no ‘reversal’ in the NEXT LIFE as was said about the ‘rich man’ and Lazarus BY THE MASTER, MESSIAH OF ISRAEL. But what did Paul actually say “Far rather” enter into a ‘worship service’ absent from the “normal mindset” with my soul BODY, even be “beside myself” in order to experience the presence of the Lord while down here in this temporal flesh TENT of mine. Paul never deviated from the preaching of resurrection OF THE FLESH from here. We should consider the letter of Albert Mohler to the Osteen’s, and take another look at ourselves at to what WE actually preach as ‘the gospel’.

10. God bless those who believe in Jesus regardless of what denomination they are with, for we only have one life here in this world which is so contrary to God. I say this as a soldier might remember that he may only have one tour of duty in a hostile environment and he wants to make the best service he can of it, that he might have that as an award forever.

11. Go to your pastor – my pastor sat there and heard my husband say he would not support myself or our children because I didn’t deserve it, and this was after he admitted to hitting me. Fortunately, I changed churches and a few years later the pastor of that church stood up for me against my then estranged husband who tried to call my reputation into question.

    It is so not an easy situation to speak into and statistically, a woman will try to leave an abusive relationship 12 times before being successful. I am with some of your callers – I know this was not the first time this young woman found herself on the wrong side of her partner’s rage – I have been there – and I know how hard it was for me to get out. I thank God for for the people He brought to help me.

    The main thing I would say to anyone in an abusive domestic situation – make sure you connect with people who KNOW the dynamics of abusive relationships, otherwise, it can mean a lot of pain for the abused partner and much damage for the children in the situation. Marriage counselling will not heal this kind of situation – the counselling needs to begin with holding the abuser accountable for his/her violence, and the abused partner needs support from people who believe her/him.

    I would love to hear a whole program on this issue that crosses all cultural, ethnic and gender barriers.

    Bless you!

12. Looking at those statists above (#11) I wonder how many men abuse their wives so they will not so soon leave them. I wonder if they know some of this.

    It just seemed to me that a woman may leave her husband for any number of reasons these days, and it wouldn’t take her so long to do it.

    I think divorce can look quite attractive sometimes depending on the financial matters, the way things can go in today’s court system.

13. People have to ‘worship their way TOGETHER out of it in, corporate public worship services, where the angels also gather REQUIRED to worship the Son, at F-THER’S RIGHT HAND, while humans are called to worship SAME F-THER in HEAVEN ON THE SEAT OF “ALL POWER”, JUST ABOVE THE ETERNAL MERCY SEAT of the SON WHOM THE ANGELS ARE TOLD NOT TO FORSAKE worshipping HIM ! Forsake not the gathering of YOURSELVES together ALL THE MORE as we see that DAY of G-d ‘FAST APPROACHING’, “EXHORTING ONE ANOTHER” ALSO ALL THE MORE. The ‘charismatic’ worship (as in Victoria Osteen) should bring those ‘goose bumps’, but do not rely upon the outer FLESH, but rather as Paul ‘come to worship BESIDE one’s self of the inner man of the soul BODY’, the ONLY way to experience the actual Presence of G-d on this Earth in public worship, NOT CONSENTRATING ON ONE’S SELF OR THEIR DIFFICULTIES EVEN IN MARRIAGE OR CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS, nor on the ‘goose bumps’ of the FLESH.

14. In brief defense, ‘Charismatic Osteen, Osteens. we remember we all have been effected one way, another, from REFORMERS ongoing attempts ‘within’ nicolaitanism, and by ‘Westminister’ (short version) “confession” (“CHIEF” aim, glorify G-d, “ENJOY” Him forever). Victoria’s ‘giving’ another way, over her obvious past ‘drudgeries’, Charismatic, Pentecostal, or otherwise experience past, ‘church’ routine, before joining Lakewood.
    Al Mohler last(so far)of series of letters to Osteens, also coming from his past influence in/ by ‘Reformers’, obviously ‘within’ attempts to clean up ‘Universalism'(which cannot be cleaned).
    Sola Scriptura WHOLE counsel, when our coming together ‘corporately’, for public worship also, ESPECIALLY, we are to begin to discern unseen or seen ‘angels’ amongst us, BOTH those whose have constant suggestions to our outer side ‘brain’ of EMOTIONS (attempts to our INNER soul BODY HIDDEN within, ‘seat’ of our emotions) CONSTANT coming from ‘angels (ALSO sent by G-d here, of having left ‘first estate’ first in HEAVEN) either bring us to ‘THE’ lie”, or have us begin our BIBLICAL HIGHEST CALLING from here AND our next life promised in very same likeness of ‘sinful flesh’, IN RESURRECTION of ‘flesh’ AGAIN, ‘FROM’ here, Paul plain talk in WHOLE COUNSEL of G-d. “SOME DAY”, not yet while in ‘sinful FLESH’, saying OUR HIGHEST written down calling is “SOME DAY” be used to actually “judge” angels(obviously having not been already judged, indicating ETERNAL life within time/space, NEVER ENDING, ever expanding MATERIAL entire UNIVERSE, will forever be seeing NEW creatures in newly created, also eternal free-WILL existences, including VARIETY ‘messengers called angels’, according to F-ther G-d ONLY, HIS ECONOMY, F-ther of all ‘spirits AND ALL lights’, literal, spiritual, whom HIS Son at HIS right hand forevermore GIVES HIM continually all glory, in pleasures forevermore, leaving HIM ONLY as to all times, seasons, OF ALL DISPENSATIONS ahead, gloriously never ending.

15. Ray . . . I’d like to respond to your comment – “It just seemed to me that a woman may leave her husband for any number of reasons these days, and it wouldn’t take her so long to do it”.

    The problem with getting out of an abusive relationship isn’t mainly, or maybe I should say at first, a societal issue, although the supports in place today do help. The initial problem is for the abused partner to get past the psychological effects of abuse that were most likely put in place early in life and are then reinforced in adult partner relationships and which have become a way of being and a belief of self that needs to be shown as the lie it is. I can tell many stories of incredibly sweet, difficult times when God, through His Spirit, revealed the lies I had believed about myself and then showed me who He made me. Society is more helpful today than it was 30 years ago but it remains a deeply spiritual/psychological issue that hasn’t changed, even as society may be more helpful.

    I appreciate this conversation : )

16. A ‘sober’ abuser would be, should be ‘found out’ pre-hookup, or, before actual public or church papers signed, vocalized, in marriage, IF ONLY the other had themselves been ‘sober’. INCREASED drugs availability, over counter, under counter, Dr., pharmacy dispensed, ‘street’ now INCREASED availabilities (especially poverty areas, i.e. liquor stores every block, street pushers, et al) but as Bible points out what ‘alcohol’ does to the brain ? Any ‘violent’ acting out person HAS a spiritual problem far greater any ’emotional’ hidden within twisting of our souls, & unaware of ‘public WORSHIP’ to the only worthy ONE to EVER be ‘looked UP’ to !

17. Naomi,

    Yes there is a lot to consider. Now I think also about financial reasons why some people might stay together, even though in the long run there might be financial gain.

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